Afraid of Continuing to Fear

According to dictionary.com the definition of fear is as follows....

fear

   /fɪər/ Show Spelled[feer] Show IPA

noun

1.

a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid. Synonyms: foreboding, apprehension, consternation, dismay, dread, terror, fright, panic, horror, trepidation, qualm. Antonyms: courage, security, calm, intrepidity.

All of the emotions shown above do not directly or even remotely resemble the actual fears that I carry.  It causes me to seriously analyze why I fear.  "Whether the threat is real or imagined" jumps out at me for some reason.  I think public opinion is my greatest nemesis.  I constantly articulate my dreams, aspirations, wishes and hopes. But fear always dominates. That dark shadow hulking in the corner. Lurking. Waiting for me to feel the cool of the doorknob in the palm of my hand and then it begins to squeeze. Not just my heart, but my mind races down a path with no finish line. There will always be something that is beyond my control. Someone will always disapprove. Money. Time. My health. My child. My age. Global warming. Obama's "mom jeans". The price of a Nicki Minaj lacefront.  All things that I allow to distract me from me.  I desire to wake up one day no longer afraid.  I see what I miss out on.  The freedom to be who I am supposed to be.

So, let's rewind. My foreboding, apprehension, consternation, dismay, dread, terror, fright, panic, horror, trepidation and qualms inhibit what I should have?   So, I've been being stupid this whole time?Which is courage, security, calm and intrepidity!

Living at my fullest potential.  Being who God intended.  Not some fallacy of the good girl I portray. Me! All that I am currently are too many things to name. But I am making a decision to trust myself above all others.

I'm afraid of continuing to fear.