(Imagine background music: "It's Take Two" by Rob Base)
This is my very first blog. Kinda nervous about it but... let the de-flowering begin. I prompted to write it because it is on my summer bucket list. I'm not dying. This is not my goodbye letter to the masses or to my best friend and handful of co-workers that may be reading this. AbBucket list just sounds way better than "Summer Goals for J" or "Whispers of a Hope List for the Hot Months".
Anyway, I will be writing today about my bosom and thangs. My need for a breast reduction is dire. As much as I enjoy the voluptuous curve and all the attention that it brings ... it has become terribly laborious to haul around the watermelon-esque mammary's day in and day out without any physical reprieve. And all the attention hasn't always been "the best". From merciless torturing by my siblings to people to totally missing my dazzling Colgate smile to gaze up on gargantuan glands of flesh on the front of my body.
The biggest setbacks of having such bigguns...
1. Finding shirts fit (especially button ups... that 3rd button is a beast. always screaming for mercy).
2. Back pain... self explanatory.
3. Never, ever finding a bra that will provide proper support without pinching back fat or showing your headlights at a free for all. (Btw... I have had several men point this embarrassing occurrence out to me as if they were the culprit of me being all hot and bothered. Uh...yeah. No thanks. And I assure them it is because the air conditioner is set to a snowman's butt cheek and not that nappy 5 o'clock shadow you've been rockin' for the past 3 days that has me all titillated.)
4. Being fondled by babies. For some reason they all believe that I am the surrogate nurturer to the nations and that they can stick their hands down my shirt and get a snack. Super awkward. o_O
5. The open mouthed gaping and staring by complete strangers well... just because they are HUGE!
I shall not disclose my actual cup size but people have a hard time containing their shock and awe. Sometimes, you just DON'T want to know what people think about you.
I guess its time to shut up now. I hope you enjoyed. I may or may not do a part 2. Depends on the response I get to my first try at this blogging beast or ... I whether or not I feel like it. Eh... it is what it is. Ttyl.
Signed...
"Bigger Than A G" aka JE Heartbreak
Rantings, jokes, sarcasm at its best and a whole lot of other things all while smiling through perfect teeth.
Excuse the typos at the beginning of the post. I thought I got all of them. Yikes! My bad. Smooches!
ReplyDeleteAlthough I use to be like Seth In Super Bad ("breast reduction surgery? What? That's like slapping God across the face for giving you a beautiful gift.") I'm starting to become less ignorant about it...good luck!
ReplyDelete@Anthony The Great The thing is... even with the reduction they will still be enormous. But all in due time. Thanks for the comment! Your the first! Woo hoo! (blows a whistle, throws confetti and cues the marching band)
ReplyDeletePlease continue 2 blog...bein that Im a card carryin member and president of the "itty bitty titty committee" I NEVER understood your pain. You have opened my eyes...lol
ReplyDeleteLol!!!! Thanks Rho! I'm glad I could provide some insight.
ReplyDeleteDue to the fact I can sympathize with being busty I feel your pain, well accept for the back pain. I think you should do whatever makes you have and gives you 100% security and confidence within yourself. But I will say this, there is some post-partum if you will, that occurs with having a breast reduction. A lot of women go into a state of depression because they feel a piece of them is now missing and well in all actuality it is. But ultimately you have to decide what is best for you. I support your boobs and your decision either way.
ReplyDeleteLike a good bra. Thanks for the support! (corny... I know). Lol.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I'm compelled to respond inappropriately because of the subject matter, I'll just say: Great writing! I enjoy your style of expression :) Also, I hope everything goes well, whatever you decide with the surgery and whatnot. Being happy and comfortable is so key... I promise you, I definitely understand!
ReplyDeleteI don't know if its bad blogger etiquette to comment on every response... but since this is my first blog. I'm commenting! So what! This.is.damon Thanks for your honesty and... restraint. Lol.
DeleteI totally get it on finding a shirt to fit. And there is no such thing as a summer dress to fit the top portion. And I'm smaller than you and I have these issues so I can only imagine.
ReplyDeleteOnly thing I don't have is the back pain.
But I definitely support reductions because I hear that they are a burden at times.
Great first blog, thanks for sharing.
Awsome first Blog! I love the realness of the subject matter and I can relate. A blessing and a curse at times. Weigh all your options if you have'nt already...and go for what makes you happy. Do keep me posted tho and keep writting. I love how you applied the bucket list idea- good movie too! Thank you so much for sharing:)
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